authors
Some of my clients have written notes to themselves about what they’ve learned in therapy. Whether they’re still working on their challenges in therapy or are ready to leave, they want to remember what they now know about handling those challenges - at present or in the future. Here are some excerpts of their "notes to self" (with names that disguise their identities). They agreed to share them here for others struggling as well.
January 5, 2022
Alicia is a 50-year-old professional who was working on more assertion in her relationship, and more skills to cope with her anxiety.
Liberation. That’s the name of the game from now on. It may be the answer to a lot of things.
Liberation equals freedom and freedom means lightness, throw off the pack. Skip it. Shed it. Say no. Say nothing. It means who cares about the dishes or the dirty clothes, or whether what you need is convenient for anyone else. It means taking up space. It means running through space. It means being juicy and big and loud. Or just not giving a shit. Or saying, “Isn’t that interesting,” when the subject of the conversation requires energy you don’t have to give again, and you’ve decided you don’t need to give it either. That’s all that is required.
Liberation equals being just as nice to yourself as you are to everyone else. It means never second guessing the desire to breathe deeply when YOU need to breathe deeply. It means be present for yourself, tell the voice in your head to STFU. Walk the dog when you want to walk the dog. It doesn’t matter if it’s convenient for anyone else. It doesn’t matter if that particular hour other people want to set the schedule.
Liberation means listening. Because listening is powerful. It gives you power. It teaches you things you didn’t know. It can protect you. It’s important. For you and for everyone. Listening means you finally find your stuck points and you acknowledge them because liberation also means not only being as nice to yourself as everyone else but it also means shed it – so find that stuck point. Listen. Let it go.
Liberation means you can leave if you want. Or you can stay if you want. It’s your choice and you choose it because you are free to make your own choice, and you listen to yourself now, and you throw off the pack and you don’t care about the unmade bed and dirty carpet and you say “that’s interesting” instead of taking it on, again, and you create a balanced narrative, one that cares about you and lets you take up space, juicy and round and loud and large.
Liberation is laughing at your ego. It’s reaching out to that thing you want and grasping it. Focusing on it. Like everyone else focuses on what they want. Lean into those things. Let your panic take over because it’s just all that old emotion leaving your body. Liberate it. Find your power and your voice and your peace and your breath. Find them every single day from now forward.
November 19, 2021
Andy is a 21-year-old heterosexual college student with HOCD (a form of OCD related to intrusive thoughts about a sexual preference that isn't consistent with what they know about themselves ).
When Getting Hooked
What it feels like when you’re not hooked
Able to make whatever joke you want
Able to wear whatever you want
Able to talk to people that trigger(ed) you
Able to talk however you want
Able to walk however you want
Able to pass intrusive thoughts without
overthinking them
Being confident in who you are, and want to be,
without feeling you have to be someone else to
prove your sexuality
Signs you’re getting hooked
Obsessively thinking about your sexuality
Avoiding certain people
Wishing certain people/triggers were not a part of some part of your life
Wishing you had certain interests typically
deemed as ‘straight’, even though they’re not
something you’re interested in
Checking to see if you’re turned on
Mind going to groin automatically when
triggered
Constant awareness of what your dick feels
like
Tingling sensation feeling of attraction actually
being anxiety
Avoiding things like eye contact with gay
people or talking to them
Avoiding certain TV shows like drag race
Actions to Help
“Maybe I am getting turned on”
Accessing the wise mind
ERP - if you feel the anxiety it’s okay, the
compulsions of thought and checking are what we want to avoid
Just allow to be in the present moment, don’t try to prove or disprove it.
Acceptance - how can I hold these feeling
gently, have the feelings be what they are
without having to change them, open up to
allow these feelings and thoughts
Notice your need for certainty
Being able to talk to roommates and sit close
to them on the couch.
Electric blankets for ERP
Dressing in all black
Diffusion - not taking the thoughts seriously,
can you notice the thoughts as they show up,
can you not give them power, can you still
choose to behave freely in the presence of the
thought
Identify the values - who do you want to be in the face of these thoughts that blackmail you, control you, control how you want to me
If you can accept the discomfort, how would
you like your life to be instead
Make eye contact, say hello, allow the
uncertainty
Taking perspective, if you’re getting hooked,
identify any part of you that’s still there, that’s
still you
Alicia is a 50-year-old professional who was working on more assertion in her relationship, and more skills to cope with her anxiety.
Liberation. That’s the name of the game from now on. It may be the answer to a lot of things.
Liberation equals freedom and freedom means lightness, throw off the pack. Skip it. Shed it. Say no. Say nothing. It means who cares about the dishes or the dirty clothes, or whether what you need is convenient for anyone else. It means taking up space. It means running through space. It means being juicy and big and loud. Or just not giving a shit. Or saying, “Isn’t that interesting,” when the subject of the conversation requires energy you don’t have to give again, and you’ve decided you don’t need to give it either. That’s all that is required.
Liberation equals being just as nice to yourself as you are to everyone else. It means never second guessing the desire to breathe deeply when YOU need to breathe deeply. It means be present for yourself, tell the voice in your head to STFU. Walk the dog when you want to walk the dog. It doesn’t matter if it’s convenient for anyone else. It doesn’t matter if that particular hour other people want to set the schedule.
Liberation means listening. Because listening is powerful. It gives you power. It teaches you things you didn’t know. It can protect you. It’s important. For you and for everyone. Listening means you finally find your stuck points and you acknowledge them because liberation also means not only being as nice to yourself as everyone else but it also means shed it – so find that stuck point. Listen. Let it go.
Liberation means you can leave if you want. Or you can stay if you want. It’s your choice and you choose it because you are free to make your own choice, and you listen to yourself now, and you throw off the pack and you don’t care about the unmade bed and dirty carpet and you say “that’s interesting” instead of taking it on, again, and you create a balanced narrative, one that cares about you and lets you take up space, juicy and round and loud and large.
Liberation is laughing at your ego. It’s reaching out to that thing you want and grasping it. Focusing on it. Like everyone else focuses on what they want. Lean into those things. Let your panic take over because it’s just all that old emotion leaving your body. Liberate it. Find your power and your voice and your peace and your breath. Find them every single day from now forward.
November 19, 2021
Andy is a 21-year-old heterosexual college student with HOCD (a form of OCD related to intrusive thoughts about a sexual preference that isn't consistent with what they know about themselves ).
When Getting Hooked
What it feels like when you’re not hooked
Able to make whatever joke you want
Able to wear whatever you want
Able to talk to people that trigger(ed) you
Able to talk however you want
Able to walk however you want
Able to pass intrusive thoughts without
overthinking them
Being confident in who you are, and want to be,
without feeling you have to be someone else to
prove your sexuality
Signs you’re getting hooked
Obsessively thinking about your sexuality
Avoiding certain people
Wishing certain people/triggers were not a part of some part of your life
Wishing you had certain interests typically
deemed as ‘straight’, even though they’re not
something you’re interested in
Checking to see if you’re turned on
Mind going to groin automatically when
triggered
Constant awareness of what your dick feels
like
Tingling sensation feeling of attraction actually
being anxiety
Avoiding things like eye contact with gay
people or talking to them
Avoiding certain TV shows like drag race
Actions to Help
“Maybe I am getting turned on”
Accessing the wise mind
ERP - if you feel the anxiety it’s okay, the
compulsions of thought and checking are what we want to avoid
Just allow to be in the present moment, don’t try to prove or disprove it.
Acceptance - how can I hold these feeling
gently, have the feelings be what they are
without having to change them, open up to
allow these feelings and thoughts
Notice your need for certainty
Being able to talk to roommates and sit close
to them on the couch.
Electric blankets for ERP
Dressing in all black
Diffusion - not taking the thoughts seriously,
can you notice the thoughts as they show up,
can you not give them power, can you still
choose to behave freely in the presence of the
thought
Identify the values - who do you want to be in the face of these thoughts that blackmail you, control you, control how you want to me
If you can accept the discomfort, how would
you like your life to be instead
Make eye contact, say hello, allow the
uncertainty
Taking perspective, if you’re getting hooked,
identify any part of you that’s still there, that’s
still you
May 25, 2021
Jody is a 32-year-old professional dealing with skin picking and anxiety. She wrote a note to self as well as created a collage to support her successful efforts.
Triggers
Jody is a 32-year-old professional dealing with skin picking and anxiety. She wrote a note to self as well as created a collage to support her successful efforts.
Triggers
- ● Watching tv and movies on the chaise lounge couch in the basement
- ● Driving or riding in a car
- ● Dry skin
- ● Crowds of people
- ● Social situations, Zoom calls
- ● Neighbors being loud or doing annoying things
- ● Being up north
- ● Traveling to and staying in different places, camping, going on vacation
- ● Feeling irritable or impatient
- ● Up north watching tv
- ● Skin that is healing
Tools - ● Bandaids
- ● Stretching on floor or foam roller or other physical activity like going for a walk
- ● Playing with the cat
- ● Cooking a meal or doing meal prep
- ● Nail polish
- ● Cuticle oil
- ● Lotion
- ● Neosporin with bandaids
- ● Crossing arms, sitting on hands, or putting hands in pockets
- ● Playing cribbage on phone
- ● Fidget toys (stress ball at desk, toys in car and on keychain)
- ● Notes in travel bag, toiletries bag, by bed
- ● Texting or calling a family member or friend
- ● Doing hair or trying a new hairstyle
- ● Desk toolkit or traveling toolkit
- ● Meditation or breathing exercises
What to tell myself
- ● You can interrupt the cycle
- ● Picking won’t just go away, it’s ok and you can get out of it
- ● Don’t feel defeated
- ● You’ve made so much progress
- ● You have the tools you need
- ● Don’t spiral
- ● Stay positive
- ● Be kind to yourself
- ● Not everyday is perfect, you will get through this
- ● Remember your lists (desk toolkit or traveling toolkit)
- ● Let it heal
Desk Toolkit
- ● Stress ball
- ● Fidget toys
- ● Doodling with pen and paper
- ● Text a family member or friend
- ● Get up and stretch
- ● Pet the cat
- ● Lotion
- ● Cuticle oil
- ● Meditation or breathing exercises
Traveling Toolkit
- ● Note in toiletries bag
- ● Bandaids
- ● Lotion
- ● Cuticle oil
- ● Meditation or breathing exercises
- ● Crossing arms, sitting on hands, or putting hands in pockets
- ● Fidget toy on keychain
December 20, 2020
Rafael is a 40-year-old PhD student struggling with feelings of paranoia. When I think about my paranoia: I have a racing mind, incoherent thoughts about people listening to me, really bizarre thoughts that they’re violating my privacy. I’m very afraid of judgment, and thoughts related to that make my anxiety skyrocket and then I do crazy stuff. When I think people are talking about me to other people, I imagine they were making fun of me, talking about my appearance or stuff I did at home. Following those thoughts isn’t helpful. I want to remember that: -Those thoughts are temporary, they will pass; -Don’t engage with the thoughts and give them more force. Move on with your life. -Most likely other people are more concerned about their own lives than thinking about me. That’s the most probable thing rather than that they are concerned with everything I say. -When I see people texting, they’re probably texting something about their friends or something that happened at school and not about me. -Calm down, relax. Think things through. -Realize people are not talking about you all the time, they’re most likely talking about something that happened to them. -Don’t panic and get a reaction and think weird stuff. -Get past that initial reaction and let things settle down, rather than letting my mind go into this frenzy of thoughts that don’t make much sense, that are out there. -Breathe slowly, take a moment. -Observe the thoughts and let them pass. -Don’t get caught in the thoughts and give them more force. -Try to think more rationally and carefully. I know that this feels very real when I’m paranoid but it’s actually not happening. It might feel so real but it’s most likely not happening. Let the anxiety pass. It will probably get really intense but it will calm down. Stick with it, even if you get tense. June 27, 2020
Emily is a 35-year-old married educator with a young child who has been challenged by a fear of vomiting and contamination. One thing that we talked about before was accepting the anxiety; allowing myself to be okay with the feelings, thoughts, and sensations instead of actively fighting or suppressing them. That's one technique that I've found especially helpful. When these feelings come up, I label them as familiar anxious feelings, and remind myself that I've dealt with them many times before, and they're going to sit with me for a while, but I don't need to stop my life for them. Another helpful technique that we discussed was challenging myself to take risks to become comfortable with the discomfort. This isn't as relevant right now, but it's one that I definitely found helpful in the past. When I would watch videos, listen to sound clips, and even write or say the word "vomit", it helped me become more comfortable with it, and took some of the power out of the word. The less powerful the word became, the more powerful I felt. When I first met you, I couldn't even say the word "vomit", and I felt anxious even writing it down. Now, I don't even flinch at it. I've also learned to hold myself more accountable for these changes. At first, I would do my "homework" because I felt that it was something you suggested I do, so therefore I should do it for that reason alone. As time went on, I realized that I should be doing these things for ME, because they help ME. If the only way to feel comfortable with the idea of vomiting was to continue exposing myself to the videos/sounds/words/etc., then I would only be hurting myself by skipping it. I can't say that I'm cured of my phobia, but I'm a hell of a lot better and less anxious than I was three years ago. Anyway, I can't say with certainty how not having sessions is working for me just yet, but I can let you know if it's not working in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, I will continue taking more risks (hand washing, sharing my baby's germs, etc.), and reminding myself what's important and what I need to do to keep that perspective. |
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July 14, 2016
Max is a 30-year-old .
Dear Max,
This letter is to remind you to never underestimate your potential for true happiness. While true and complete happiness is never truly attainable, striving for it will always lead to a more rewarding existence than the alternative.
You have had the unique opportunity to experience the extreme highs and lows of life. Your time in this life has spanned a vast expanse of the emotional spectrum; and while the lows can be nearly impossible to escape, you have triumphed over many of them. Your unwillingness to give up is your greatest strength. There is always something better on the other side of the darkness, and even in your worst times, you have always held on to that light.
There are many strengths that will allow you to overcome the obstacles in your life. While doubt has been one of your greatest weaknesses, it has also been an essential companion. Doubt has always kept you striving and motivated not only in public life, but in private as well. You will never lose the core sense of who you are because doubt will keep you in check. While doubt will help you keep your personality in check to your liking, never forget that it is necessary to make mistakes and challenge your identity. Mistakes and challenges are how you learn what you do and do not like about how you handle certain situations. You will always be kind, intelligent, caring, driven and charismatic, but the definitions and manifestations of those traits will change throughout your life, and that is important and essential. Change is essential to a fulfilling life.
Think about how much you have changed in the last year. At times it is hard to recognize who you are now, but you are the happiest and most confident you have ever been. The past is important because it has shaped who you are in this moment, but it does not define you, and it will not hold you back forever.
Change is gradual, but it is important to change at your own pace. Trying to change too quickly will only hold you back, and resisting change will back track your progress. You have been through one of, if not the most challenging years of your life. You will get to a level of stasis that you are comfortable with, but allowing yourself to heal is difficult and lengthy process. You are in a good place now, but you know what you would like to be better at. Never stop striving, and the rest will fall into place.
November 16, 2016
Andrea, a 26-year-old woman who was overcome by anxiety and paralyzing depression, is working full time for the first time in many years and happy in her new relationship.
When I'm not feeling good, slow down and think about:
-how I'm feeling
-why?
-lack of food (breakfast, snacks)
-lack of rest
-not enough down time
-too much down time
-Remind myself: my brain does this and I will get through it
-Self care (bath, nails, crochet, relax, eat/drink, some form of exercise)
-Lists!
-Sit with the feelings and be okay with them accept it
-Make the choice to do something instead of rolling into a ball (anything)
-Minor good choices about minor things snowball into other good choices
-Create things
-Honesty in relationships
-Confront problems-take care of business instead of avoiding them and creating more
-Be me in every relationship
-Equal responsibilities in the relationship
-Keep up with friends
-Less eating out
-MEDS
-Work
-Once I get moving, things get better, not doing anything ruins the possibility of it getting better
-Winter temptation to sleep, but staying active = feeling better.
-Continue education
-Give yourself credit for all of the improvements already made and realize how far you've really come.
-Exposure therapy-push self even when uncomfortable
-Notice when you do something/behavior that is unhealthy and change it.
-Taboo secret things weight on you-get them out
December 9, 2012
Cynthia, a technology professional in her mid-twenties, had spent her life worrying excessively and is beginning to find an alternative.
The important thing to remember is that, even if something bad DOES happen, I can deal with it. People fail out of college, people lose their jobs, people make really stupid mistakes... and then life goes on, because there is almost always a way out of whatever mess they're in.
As for that "almost" in "almost always a way out of a mess" -- my anxiety does have a knack for building absolute worst-case scenarios where a whole chain of events takes away every possible solution and leaves me in a terrible situation with no way out. The thought distortion that makes these so scary is that because *each* event in the chain is within the realm of possibility, I tend to over-estimate the likelihood of them *all* happening together.
When I start to worry, I need to remember that although each individual piece of my nightmare scenario is within the realm of plausibility, the odds of them ALL happening are astronomically low. It's a lot harder to end up in a completely hopeless situation than I thought!
Max is a 30-year-old .
Dear Max,
This letter is to remind you to never underestimate your potential for true happiness. While true and complete happiness is never truly attainable, striving for it will always lead to a more rewarding existence than the alternative.
You have had the unique opportunity to experience the extreme highs and lows of life. Your time in this life has spanned a vast expanse of the emotional spectrum; and while the lows can be nearly impossible to escape, you have triumphed over many of them. Your unwillingness to give up is your greatest strength. There is always something better on the other side of the darkness, and even in your worst times, you have always held on to that light.
There are many strengths that will allow you to overcome the obstacles in your life. While doubt has been one of your greatest weaknesses, it has also been an essential companion. Doubt has always kept you striving and motivated not only in public life, but in private as well. You will never lose the core sense of who you are because doubt will keep you in check. While doubt will help you keep your personality in check to your liking, never forget that it is necessary to make mistakes and challenge your identity. Mistakes and challenges are how you learn what you do and do not like about how you handle certain situations. You will always be kind, intelligent, caring, driven and charismatic, but the definitions and manifestations of those traits will change throughout your life, and that is important and essential. Change is essential to a fulfilling life.
Think about how much you have changed in the last year. At times it is hard to recognize who you are now, but you are the happiest and most confident you have ever been. The past is important because it has shaped who you are in this moment, but it does not define you, and it will not hold you back forever.
Change is gradual, but it is important to change at your own pace. Trying to change too quickly will only hold you back, and resisting change will back track your progress. You have been through one of, if not the most challenging years of your life. You will get to a level of stasis that you are comfortable with, but allowing yourself to heal is difficult and lengthy process. You are in a good place now, but you know what you would like to be better at. Never stop striving, and the rest will fall into place.
November 16, 2016
Andrea, a 26-year-old woman who was overcome by anxiety and paralyzing depression, is working full time for the first time in many years and happy in her new relationship.
When I'm not feeling good, slow down and think about:
-how I'm feeling
-why?
-lack of food (breakfast, snacks)
-lack of rest
-not enough down time
-too much down time
-Remind myself: my brain does this and I will get through it
-Self care (bath, nails, crochet, relax, eat/drink, some form of exercise)
-Lists!
-Sit with the feelings and be okay with them accept it
-Make the choice to do something instead of rolling into a ball (anything)
-Minor good choices about minor things snowball into other good choices
-Create things
-Honesty in relationships
-Confront problems-take care of business instead of avoiding them and creating more
-Be me in every relationship
-Equal responsibilities in the relationship
-Keep up with friends
-Less eating out
-MEDS
-Work
-Once I get moving, things get better, not doing anything ruins the possibility of it getting better
-Winter temptation to sleep, but staying active = feeling better.
-Continue education
-Give yourself credit for all of the improvements already made and realize how far you've really come.
-Exposure therapy-push self even when uncomfortable
-Notice when you do something/behavior that is unhealthy and change it.
-Taboo secret things weight on you-get them out
December 9, 2012
Cynthia, a technology professional in her mid-twenties, had spent her life worrying excessively and is beginning to find an alternative.
The important thing to remember is that, even if something bad DOES happen, I can deal with it. People fail out of college, people lose their jobs, people make really stupid mistakes... and then life goes on, because there is almost always a way out of whatever mess they're in.
As for that "almost" in "almost always a way out of a mess" -- my anxiety does have a knack for building absolute worst-case scenarios where a whole chain of events takes away every possible solution and leaves me in a terrible situation with no way out. The thought distortion that makes these so scary is that because *each* event in the chain is within the realm of possibility, I tend to over-estimate the likelihood of them *all* happening together.
When I start to worry, I need to remember that although each individual piece of my nightmare scenario is within the realm of plausibility, the odds of them ALL happening are astronomically low. It's a lot harder to end up in a completely hopeless situation than I thought!
December 3, 2012
Nanci, now in her 50s, is a professional who has a zest for life and has successfully battled obstacles, only to be stymied by her hair pulling. While it isn’t gone, she has gained some mastery of it and developed a game plan she is committed to using throughout her life.
Nanci, you have battled trichotillomania for over forty years, and have finally decided to take some action. You have dealt with many other struggles in your life such as college and professional school, eating in moderation, alcohol use, adding exercise and nutrition as a regular part in your daily life, staying in a good marriage even when times were tough, raising two wonderful children, and building a good reputation in a satisfying career. In each of these areas, you worked hard to make good choices, and persisted to success.
Trich has been your most difficult battle, but you can now see that you have a choice here too. Your urges to pull are not monsters—they will not harm you. You can take their power away by choosing NOT to pull. As with most challenges, this requires daily vigilance. You do not have to be perfect, but don’t give in to the struggle. If you have a bad “pulling” day, you can start over tomorrow. Keep moving forward, and let go of remorse.
Most of all, be forgiving of yourself—your pulling has hurt you, but no one else. You are a loving and compassionate woman—extend the same gentleness to yourself that you do to others.
September 30, 2011
By Nanci
TRICH n' ME
We've had a thing for forty years
through joy and pain and endless tears.
You never left-not even once
in times of rapture, or daunting fears.
We met when I was age fourteen,
I kept you hidden; wished you unseen.
But you patiently waited and loved me still,
until you knew I was apt to wean.
Sometimes toward you, I felt true hate,
cursed and scorned, I couldn't wait
to rid of you forevermore.
I couldn't know you'd be my fate.
I distanced us with wine or men,
or books or work or page and pen.
You let me stray, but stayed close by
till I returned once again.
You kept me safe, protected, calm
settled my brain with your soothing balm.
During stressful days and lonely nights,
you held me near, within your palm.
You'd reappear to help me see
in order for me to grow spiritually,
I'd need to dive deep, explore my feelings.
And love who I am- who I'm meant to be.
The work isn't easy, and causes some pain,
but numbing my feelings is useless and vain.
I need to forgive instead of forget,
I need to feel love instead of disdain.
You told me just the other day
Our relationship won't go away.
But it instead, will be transformed
to health and wholeness, and for that I pray.
By Nanci
TRICH n' ME
We've had a thing for forty years
through joy and pain and endless tears.
You never left-not even once
in times of rapture, or daunting fears.
We met when I was age fourteen,
I kept you hidden; wished you unseen.
But you patiently waited and loved me still,
until you knew I was apt to wean.
Sometimes toward you, I felt true hate,
cursed and scorned, I couldn't wait
to rid of you forevermore.
I couldn't know you'd be my fate.
I distanced us with wine or men,
or books or work or page and pen.
You let me stray, but stayed close by
till I returned once again.
You kept me safe, protected, calm
settled my brain with your soothing balm.
During stressful days and lonely nights,
you held me near, within your palm.
You'd reappear to help me see
in order for me to grow spiritually,
I'd need to dive deep, explore my feelings.
And love who I am- who I'm meant to be.
The work isn't easy, and causes some pain,
but numbing my feelings is useless and vain.
I need to forgive instead of forget,
I need to feel love instead of disdain.
You told me just the other day
Our relationship won't go away.
But it instead, will be transformed
to health and wholeness, and for that I pray.
March 2012
In his early 40s, Walt has worked hard to overcome negative self-beliefs and intrusive OCD thoughts.
Dear Walt,
When I first began therapy, I had the unconscious belief that there were certain memories, thoughts, and feelings that I wouldn’t be able to survive. I now know that this is not true. There is nothing that I can’t survive.
I’ve also come to the realization that I can’t control justice. From my point of view, waiting for justice to be done regarding experiences from my past is an admission of helplessness. I’ve realized that I don’t need justice to be done. I can heal myself, feel good about myself, and feel good about my life without justice being done. My well-being is not contingent upon justice.
Here are some negative cognitions that I had when I first began therapy:
After being in therapy for a few months, I’ve replaced the above negative cognitions with the following position cognitions:
The idea of certain memories, thoughts, and feelings being so uncomfortable that I couldn’t face them is not true. I can face them. I can accept them. I can sit with them. I can watch them come up. I can hang out with them. I can go there. I can stand it. These things are not going to swallow me up. I can survive.
In addition, here are some thoughts that have given me courage to face my OCD and write ERP scripts for OCD:
In his early 40s, Walt has worked hard to overcome negative self-beliefs and intrusive OCD thoughts.
Dear Walt,
When I first began therapy, I had the unconscious belief that there were certain memories, thoughts, and feelings that I wouldn’t be able to survive. I now know that this is not true. There is nothing that I can’t survive.
I’ve also come to the realization that I can’t control justice. From my point of view, waiting for justice to be done regarding experiences from my past is an admission of helplessness. I’ve realized that I don’t need justice to be done. I can heal myself, feel good about myself, and feel good about my life without justice being done. My well-being is not contingent upon justice.
Here are some negative cognitions that I had when I first began therapy:
- I can’t protect myself from certain memories, thoughts, and feelings on a visceral level.
- These things are going to swallow me up.
- The idea of how these things would make me feel is unbearable.
- I couldn’t bear how these memories and thoughts would make me feel. The experience would be too uncomfortable.
After being in therapy for a few months, I’ve replaced the above negative cognitions with the following position cognitions:
- I can be ok regardless of what happens.
- Things are not as I wish they were, but I can accept that.
- I can survive this.
- There is some helplessness in my life and that’s ok, I can accept that.
- I don’t need to have 100% control.
The idea of certain memories, thoughts, and feelings being so uncomfortable that I couldn’t face them is not true. I can face them. I can accept them. I can sit with them. I can watch them come up. I can hang out with them. I can go there. I can stand it. These things are not going to swallow me up. I can survive.
In addition, here are some thoughts that have given me courage to face my OCD and write ERP scripts for OCD:
- Embrace non-judgment as a way of life.
- Let the OCD thoughts emerge. Let them disturb you and just watch it.
- I want to make myself anxious.
- I want my body to "go there" and know that I can survive.
- I need to learn this viscerally.
- I am actually changing my brain pathways.
- When you write your scripts do it without judgment. Break all the rules. Turn everything upside down.
August 5, 2011
Frances is a 40-year-old corporate employee working on her anxiety, mood and self-esteem.Remember. Remember you are worthy of love. You are allowed to take up space on the planet, just like everyone else. You don’t have to accommodate the rest of the world so you can earn your existence. You have every right to be breathing the air, with your quirks and your troubles and your needs, just like everyone else. You have done nothing about which you should feel ashamed.
Recognize. Recognize how many good things you do every day. You are a unique person who provides other people with joy and happiness. You are a leader and you accomplish great things, both for yourself and for others. You should not feel wrong for expressing your ideas or thoughts, nor should you feel bad for having wants and needs, or for sharing them. You do not have to feel guilty and ashamed for doing what others do every day: living your own life and doing what is right for you. This does not make you a bad person. You should not feel guilty for taking normal actions in life, like moving where you want to move or taking the job you want to take or dating the person you want to date because you think it might make others feel bad. You have the right to live your life the way you choose. You do not have to live life to please others.
Believe. Believe that you are worthy. Understand people care about you, and they will still care about you once they get to know the whole you. You are allowed to share yourself entirely; you should not be afraid of that. You deserve to have people understand you fully, and not just the parts that will make life better for them. Your relationships and your life will be fuller and more satisfying when you share your entire self. When you only share the “good” parts, you are robbing yourself of the right to live in the world as the person you are; you are cheating yourself from experiencing your life to its fullest.
Accept. Accept that you will not feel good every day. You will feel ashamed, and sad, and the cyclical thoughts that wear down your self-esteem will start to churn again. When this happens, breathe deeply. Go running. Give yourself the gift of grace. Treat yourself as if you were one of the friends to whom you give so much leeway and support. You will make mistakes, people will get angry with you, and there will be confrontations. Approach these situations as an observer, not as the person ultimately responsible for the problem or for making it right. Be objective, you do not have to bear the burden of it all. People have the right to feel the way they do, but you do not have the responsibility to live with their anger or resentment or disappointment. Their emotions are theirs to deal with; you can only take responsibility for yourself.
Frances is a 40-year-old corporate employee working on her anxiety, mood and self-esteem.Remember. Remember you are worthy of love. You are allowed to take up space on the planet, just like everyone else. You don’t have to accommodate the rest of the world so you can earn your existence. You have every right to be breathing the air, with your quirks and your troubles and your needs, just like everyone else. You have done nothing about which you should feel ashamed.
Recognize. Recognize how many good things you do every day. You are a unique person who provides other people with joy and happiness. You are a leader and you accomplish great things, both for yourself and for others. You should not feel wrong for expressing your ideas or thoughts, nor should you feel bad for having wants and needs, or for sharing them. You do not have to feel guilty and ashamed for doing what others do every day: living your own life and doing what is right for you. This does not make you a bad person. You should not feel guilty for taking normal actions in life, like moving where you want to move or taking the job you want to take or dating the person you want to date because you think it might make others feel bad. You have the right to live your life the way you choose. You do not have to live life to please others.
Believe. Believe that you are worthy. Understand people care about you, and they will still care about you once they get to know the whole you. You are allowed to share yourself entirely; you should not be afraid of that. You deserve to have people understand you fully, and not just the parts that will make life better for them. Your relationships and your life will be fuller and more satisfying when you share your entire self. When you only share the “good” parts, you are robbing yourself of the right to live in the world as the person you are; you are cheating yourself from experiencing your life to its fullest.
Accept. Accept that you will not feel good every day. You will feel ashamed, and sad, and the cyclical thoughts that wear down your self-esteem will start to churn again. When this happens, breathe deeply. Go running. Give yourself the gift of grace. Treat yourself as if you were one of the friends to whom you give so much leeway and support. You will make mistakes, people will get angry with you, and there will be confrontations. Approach these situations as an observer, not as the person ultimately responsible for the problem or for making it right. Be objective, you do not have to bear the burden of it all. People have the right to feel the way they do, but you do not have the responsibility to live with their anger or resentment or disappointment. Their emotions are theirs to deal with; you can only take responsibility for yourself.
4/22/11
Ron is a former professional in a large corporation who has been derailed by severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, as well as other problems with mood and anxiety. He has been assertively fighting back against his OCD.
Dear Ron,
This is what I’ve learned about the time while I was sick:
While I’ve had this infection, I’ve spent very little time worrying about being contaminated and just spent time focusing on getting better physically. I did the behaviors that make me anxious but spent no time washing and I touch contaminated articles. It’s ok to do these things because they aren’t inherently evil. When I’m home I can just “move on” or maintain what I’m doing without derailing all my energy towards being clean. I may not forget but I can just do it anyways: skip the rituals. The anxiety is like a weed that just grows out of control until I pull it out, doing the things that make me anxious.
Rewarding myself to reinforce good behaviors is ok, with little rewards. Get support from a therapist. Get busy and forget about spending all that time making myself clean. Try to forget about spreading the contamination.
Ron is a former professional in a large corporation who has been derailed by severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, as well as other problems with mood and anxiety. He has been assertively fighting back against his OCD.
Dear Ron,
This is what I’ve learned about the time while I was sick:
- I can eat with contaminated hands
- I wash the hands to avoid anxiety
- I can touch contaminated towels and light switches
- I can use dirty silverware.
- I am avoiding all this to avoid anxiety, nothing legitimate.
While I’ve had this infection, I’ve spent very little time worrying about being contaminated and just spent time focusing on getting better physically. I did the behaviors that make me anxious but spent no time washing and I touch contaminated articles. It’s ok to do these things because they aren’t inherently evil. When I’m home I can just “move on” or maintain what I’m doing without derailing all my energy towards being clean. I may not forget but I can just do it anyways: skip the rituals. The anxiety is like a weed that just grows out of control until I pull it out, doing the things that make me anxious.
Rewarding myself to reinforce good behaviors is ok, with little rewards. Get support from a therapist. Get busy and forget about spending all that time making myself clean. Try to forget about spreading the contamination.
9/21/10
In her early 20s, Maria has worked hard to gain control over her hair pulling, depression, aimlessness, dependence and loneliness.
I’ve become stronger than before. I don’t need to depend on anyone else for my own happiness. Before I only saw the negative and now I want to see the positive in life and what it could bring to me. Instead of assuming the future will hold nothing good, I want to make sure my future will be great. I am the only one who can make things better for myself.
I enjoy my friends and I want to keep spending time with them. I also want to be sure that I have time for myself. Whenever I’m upset, time alone to relax can make me feel better. When upset, I’ve learned that the best thing is to remove myself from the situation.
For me the warning signs are trying to sleep myself away from my feelings. The more time I spend in bed is the more time I’m just trying to not deal with anything. My friends make me happy so when I don’t want to see them, I should know something is wrong. When I don’t feel like seeing anyone, I should still try and be around someone, even something as little as just inviting them over for one movie. If I still don’t feel like seeing someone, I should at least get out of bed and walk around the block or hang out at the park.
I know I have to go to school and I know I have to go to work. Those are things I cannot give up on.
I don’t want to let myself down.
In her early 20s, Maria has worked hard to gain control over her hair pulling, depression, aimlessness, dependence and loneliness.
I’ve become stronger than before. I don’t need to depend on anyone else for my own happiness. Before I only saw the negative and now I want to see the positive in life and what it could bring to me. Instead of assuming the future will hold nothing good, I want to make sure my future will be great. I am the only one who can make things better for myself.
I enjoy my friends and I want to keep spending time with them. I also want to be sure that I have time for myself. Whenever I’m upset, time alone to relax can make me feel better. When upset, I’ve learned that the best thing is to remove myself from the situation.
For me the warning signs are trying to sleep myself away from my feelings. The more time I spend in bed is the more time I’m just trying to not deal with anything. My friends make me happy so when I don’t want to see them, I should know something is wrong. When I don’t feel like seeing anyone, I should still try and be around someone, even something as little as just inviting them over for one movie. If I still don’t feel like seeing someone, I should at least get out of bed and walk around the block or hang out at the park.
I know I have to go to school and I know I have to go to work. Those are things I cannot give up on.
I don’t want to let myself down.
6/7/10
For most of her life, Cynthia, a health care professional in her late 50s, has battled depression and anxiety. Having developed many good coping strategies, she wants to remember how to identify the need to use them, and what they are. Her Note to Self is in the form of a spreadsheet.
Depression Warning Signs and Triggers:
Already have:
For most of her life, Cynthia, a health care professional in her late 50s, has battled depression and anxiety. Having developed many good coping strategies, she wants to remember how to identify the need to use them, and what they are. Her Note to Self is in the form of a spreadsheet.
Depression Warning Signs and Triggers:
- Forgetting to take meds, or forgetting if they were taken or not.
- Letting prescription run out.
- Eating a poor diet, including increased simple carbs, few vegetables, not enough water
- Nothing or minimal food prepared for work; eating off schedule
- Running out of food in house
- Overeating
- Personal papers piling up
- Not reading books, magazines, newspapers, for weeks
- Losing bills, books, notes
- Forgetting to pay bills
- Getting behind on editing/dictation work
- Letting car run out of gas
- Forgetting to make task list for week or month
- Making a task list, but forgetting to look at it
- Avoiding things that are stressful or challenging, i.e., bills, finances, exercise
- Not keeping track of or knowing how much money is spent, or what account balances are
- Failure to budget, tehn overspending
- Forgetting to pay bills
- Forgetting or sleeping through appointments on purpose because of fatigue
- Not changing sheets or towels
- Dirty kitchen
- Dirty clothes on floor
- Dirty cat litter
- Ruminating about potential job loss, financial hardship, loss of physical and mental capacity, dementia and aging
- Guilt over parents, others
- Withdrawal: not making contacts, not returning contacts, increased anger at no one or everyone
Already have:
- House cleaning every two weeks
- Betty Brigade for office and office systems
- Music lessons every two weeks
- Volunteer two hours a week
- Massage once a month
- Manicure/pedicure as needed
- Hair cut/color every three weeks
- Blackberry, with time management/scheduling apps a work in progress
- Wireless set up for computer
- Have clean house/car windows
- Have clean kitchen sink
- FlyLady [organization guru] - have checked it out
- Do minimal household tasks daily: litter, dishes/sink, mail sorting/mail and bill follow up, so things don’t build up
- Skim new magazines, note interesting articles, leave on coffee table to read. If not read in one-three weeks, recycle them to someone else.
- Spread out necessary tasks over the week, if possible, so weekends aren’t ruined
- Go to bed on work days at set time
- Reduce number of emails received and written, same for texting
- Limit number of events scheduled on work days, i.e., one or no meetings or events after work, and only limited
- Enjoy day off, and try not to use this day for tasks
- Watch out for over-scheduling extra work shifts
- Have clean/simple clothes ready for week
- Have simple containers of food, frozen if needed, ready for week
- Limited computer time - too hard on back, arms, neck, eyes and psyche
- Work on a more ergonomic office set up, and brighter, but serene lighting in office
- List of friends/family to contact/call and some plan for doing this
- Quiet time/spiritual time
- When agitated, angry, anxious, try lifting some weights (5 or 8 lb. weights at home), or doing some squats or knee raises, etc.
- Try to have a simple, inexpensive trip in the works a lot of the time, so there’s always something to look forward to
- Audio books to listen to while walking
- Spiritual guidance
- Exercise plan with some intro sessions with trainer
- Food plan
- Writing more letters
May 22, 2009
Dear Joanna,
I am writing you a letter to let you know how proud I am of you for the recent success you have had with the positive changes you are making in your life. Today I had a revelation that one of the things that has led to this success is your ability to ask for help when you need it. It doesn’t mean that you are unable to do something, but it is an excellent achievement that you have the ability to realize that you don’t need to do everything.
I also want to remind you that although things are going great today, it may not always be that way. If you should hit a bump in the road I want you to remember that you have had great success with these changes and that you should not abandon these positive changes or feel like you have failed in someway because life hasn’t happen as you planned it. If you should have a horribly bad day, or “slip up” as it were so that you see yourself acting out in a way that is reflective of “old Joanna” don’t beat yourself up about it. This is a work in progress. You are doing a great job and things with work, Mark, and your Thesis are all going great right now. Don’t let yourself minimize these huge wins by letting one setback define your progress. Don’t give up on these positive changes because they may not always work, they DO work. Don’t let a couple of exceptions to the rule allow you to give up on the accomplishments you have made.
Things with work are improving but they will not always go so smoothly, things with Mark are going great but there will be ups and downs, the Thesis is moving right along, but there could be speed bumps along the way. I am writing this letter to you to remind you that you have enjoyed considerable success and have made huge strides in your personal, work, and academic life and that you should embrace that when you are in the middle of a crisis. Having a bad day is part of life, having a rough week is ok, its part of life. Getting through those times is the only way to enjoy the successes like you are experiencing now.
Keep working hard! This letter is not an excuse or a rationalization for you to make mistakes. It is a reminder that no one is perfect so you should not hold yourself to an unattainable expectation. Keep asking people for help, it is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength that you can plan and prioritize your life in a way that includes people in your life to help you succeed. Remember that life is full of compromises, and although I want you to stand up for what you believe in, I also want you to get what you need out of life and out of difficult situations, so keep your end goal in mind. Do not be sarcastic and negative toward people that anger you. If you need their help or cooperation to meet your goals, it is unlikely for them to respond as you want them to if this is your attitude. Be polite, you do not have to make a friend of someone that you need to accomplish a goal, but you may need their cooperation so be kind and patient.
Read this letter as often as you need to. Make revisions as necessary. Remember that when things are looking bad that the changes you are making DO work. This letter to you is proof of that. It is not a fluke. You are fantastic self. You have worked hard to make changes in your life to make your life better and make life with you better. Please stay the course even if you are quick to dismiss this progress. Please read this letter and remember that you are doing a good job. If an obstacle presents itself, find a new way to meet your goals. You may have to ask for help, that’s ok! If there is something that has got you stumped or you have had an exceedingly bad day, read this letter and get some perspective. You have lots of people in your life that love you and will help you if you just ask.
Signing out self,
Joanna
Dear Joanna,
I am writing you a letter to let you know how proud I am of you for the recent success you have had with the positive changes you are making in your life. Today I had a revelation that one of the things that has led to this success is your ability to ask for help when you need it. It doesn’t mean that you are unable to do something, but it is an excellent achievement that you have the ability to realize that you don’t need to do everything.
I also want to remind you that although things are going great today, it may not always be that way. If you should hit a bump in the road I want you to remember that you have had great success with these changes and that you should not abandon these positive changes or feel like you have failed in someway because life hasn’t happen as you planned it. If you should have a horribly bad day, or “slip up” as it were so that you see yourself acting out in a way that is reflective of “old Joanna” don’t beat yourself up about it. This is a work in progress. You are doing a great job and things with work, Mark, and your Thesis are all going great right now. Don’t let yourself minimize these huge wins by letting one setback define your progress. Don’t give up on these positive changes because they may not always work, they DO work. Don’t let a couple of exceptions to the rule allow you to give up on the accomplishments you have made.
Things with work are improving but they will not always go so smoothly, things with Mark are going great but there will be ups and downs, the Thesis is moving right along, but there could be speed bumps along the way. I am writing this letter to you to remind you that you have enjoyed considerable success and have made huge strides in your personal, work, and academic life and that you should embrace that when you are in the middle of a crisis. Having a bad day is part of life, having a rough week is ok, its part of life. Getting through those times is the only way to enjoy the successes like you are experiencing now.
Keep working hard! This letter is not an excuse or a rationalization for you to make mistakes. It is a reminder that no one is perfect so you should not hold yourself to an unattainable expectation. Keep asking people for help, it is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength that you can plan and prioritize your life in a way that includes people in your life to help you succeed. Remember that life is full of compromises, and although I want you to stand up for what you believe in, I also want you to get what you need out of life and out of difficult situations, so keep your end goal in mind. Do not be sarcastic and negative toward people that anger you. If you need their help or cooperation to meet your goals, it is unlikely for them to respond as you want them to if this is your attitude. Be polite, you do not have to make a friend of someone that you need to accomplish a goal, but you may need their cooperation so be kind and patient.
Read this letter as often as you need to. Make revisions as necessary. Remember that when things are looking bad that the changes you are making DO work. This letter to you is proof of that. It is not a fluke. You are fantastic self. You have worked hard to make changes in your life to make your life better and make life with you better. Please stay the course even if you are quick to dismiss this progress. Please read this letter and remember that you are doing a good job. If an obstacle presents itself, find a new way to meet your goals. You may have to ask for help, that’s ok! If there is something that has got you stumped or you have had an exceedingly bad day, read this letter and get some perspective. You have lots of people in your life that love you and will help you if you just ask.
Signing out self,
Joanna
1/18/08
Beth has struggled with irrational, intrusive, distressing thoughts caused by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Dear Beth,
I know you don’t feel like yourself right now, and I’m going to reassure you in an odd way: You’re not. The pain and torment you feel, that keeps you from relaxing - it’s not going to last. It’s not the real you. I know "this time it might last forever"... It won’t. Just like in the past, it’ll start to fade, slowly at first; then you won’t remember what it felt like to be panicky or what was bothering you.
Here’s the thing to remember - this time you’re way better off. I know because I’m the one telling you. It’s hard to see some of the little thought exercises as useful, but they are. Remember: OCD is a dysfunction in the way your brain fires off its signals - not a revelation of the real you. How do you/I know? It’s obvious. Right now I’m feeling like myself and I know you’re not. Don’t be afraid of the intrusive thoughts. I know it’s tough talking coming from someone who’s not going through it now, but we are, after all, the same person. Don’t force them to go away. Don’t think you can control them, let them come and let them go. It’s not your job nor is it within your capability to control them and trying only makes it worse.
So, whatever’s bugging you may be different than last time, but ultimately it’s the same thing. No different. You’ll get past this, too.
Let it come, let it go. Breathe. Remember who you are.
Beth has struggled with irrational, intrusive, distressing thoughts caused by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Dear Beth,
I know you don’t feel like yourself right now, and I’m going to reassure you in an odd way: You’re not. The pain and torment you feel, that keeps you from relaxing - it’s not going to last. It’s not the real you. I know "this time it might last forever"... It won’t. Just like in the past, it’ll start to fade, slowly at first; then you won’t remember what it felt like to be panicky or what was bothering you.
Here’s the thing to remember - this time you’re way better off. I know because I’m the one telling you. It’s hard to see some of the little thought exercises as useful, but they are. Remember: OCD is a dysfunction in the way your brain fires off its signals - not a revelation of the real you. How do you/I know? It’s obvious. Right now I’m feeling like myself and I know you’re not. Don’t be afraid of the intrusive thoughts. I know it’s tough talking coming from someone who’s not going through it now, but we are, after all, the same person. Don’t force them to go away. Don’t think you can control them, let them come and let them go. It’s not your job nor is it within your capability to control them and trying only makes it worse.
So, whatever’s bugging you may be different than last time, but ultimately it’s the same thing. No different. You’ll get past this, too.
Let it come, let it go. Breathe. Remember who you are.
September 2008
Tom struggled with severe depression following a relationship breakup as well as with body dysmorphic disorder, a belief that a minor or even non-existent physical "flaw" is hideous.
Dear Tom,
If I am reading this letter, I have probably found myself in a difficult situation, and am finding it hard to cope with. I understand that it’s perfectly normal to experience these emotions, but I must also understand that these emotions have had a profound effect on my well-being in the past. They cause me to reflect negatively upon myself. I’ve created this letter to remind myself of who I really am, and to prevent myself from falling into the same holes that I’ve been in before. I have so many positive aspects to my life.
First, I must understand that I am writing this letter from a more healthy state of mind. These are the thoughts and feelings that I should focus on, when life becomes difficult to cope with. I know that it may become difficult to believe, but I must truly understand that I will always possess these great qualities. No external factors can change these most basic aspects of my personality.
I put myself in very challenging situations, and strongly believe that I have the fortitude to pull myself through, and come out on top. I put myself in situations that other people would shy away from, and that’s what helps me build my confidence. Experiencing the unknown is what gives me confidence in new areas, and that is part of who I am. Don’t ever let anyone tell you, or begin to believe that you lack confidence, or that you’re too shy, or that you don’t have the fortitude to complete something. You’re a very strong person, who has every reason to believe in yourself, and absolutely no reason not to.
I am wonderful with people, whether they are strangers or close friends. I have an attractive personality which allows me to emotionally connect with others, and has helped me through many experiences. When I am faced with difficult situations, I have the confidence to know that my personality can defuse the situation, and things can be brought back to normal. Don’t ever let anyone intimidate you, or lead you to believe that you’re less of a person than they are. You have proven yourself time and time again, so there is no reason to believe otherwise.
I am a physically attractive person, and I have ample evidence to support this. When I look in the mirror I feel good about myself, and I am pleased with who I am. If I had the opportunity to look like another person, I would definitely turn it down. I want to look like me. My physical attractiveness is one of the qualities that draws people to me, and I’ve had many wonderful people drawn into my life. So if the quality of people in my life is related to my overall attractiveness, then I should never believe that I am unattractive in any capacity. The evidence is there. Believe it.
Wealth should never be a concern of mine. .Just because I don’t have a nice car and a nice house right now, I shouldn’t feel bad about it. Almost all of the people I know don’t have nice cars or nice homes yet, and if they do, then they’re overwhelmed with debt. I should be thankful that I’m smart enough to avoid all of that debt. I’ve made a good decision that will pay off for me in the future. I shouldn’t feel ashamed about being poor. It’s only temporary, and most people I know are poor anyway, so anyone who looks down on me should feel ashamed of themselves.
I should never believe that I am anything less than an amazing person, with many wonderful qualities. I have no reason to ever feel that I am socially inept, unattractive, weak, or deprived in any fashion. Anyone who sees anything less than my true self has their own issues that are creating that perception, and that is their issue, not mine. I have the ability to be a very happy person, and I have no reason to get down on myself. I shouldn’t squander all of the wonderful things I have going for me, so to not take advantage of the wonderful life I have would be a waste.
Tom struggled with severe depression following a relationship breakup as well as with body dysmorphic disorder, a belief that a minor or even non-existent physical "flaw" is hideous.
Dear Tom,
If I am reading this letter, I have probably found myself in a difficult situation, and am finding it hard to cope with. I understand that it’s perfectly normal to experience these emotions, but I must also understand that these emotions have had a profound effect on my well-being in the past. They cause me to reflect negatively upon myself. I’ve created this letter to remind myself of who I really am, and to prevent myself from falling into the same holes that I’ve been in before. I have so many positive aspects to my life.
First, I must understand that I am writing this letter from a more healthy state of mind. These are the thoughts and feelings that I should focus on, when life becomes difficult to cope with. I know that it may become difficult to believe, but I must truly understand that I will always possess these great qualities. No external factors can change these most basic aspects of my personality.
I put myself in very challenging situations, and strongly believe that I have the fortitude to pull myself through, and come out on top. I put myself in situations that other people would shy away from, and that’s what helps me build my confidence. Experiencing the unknown is what gives me confidence in new areas, and that is part of who I am. Don’t ever let anyone tell you, or begin to believe that you lack confidence, or that you’re too shy, or that you don’t have the fortitude to complete something. You’re a very strong person, who has every reason to believe in yourself, and absolutely no reason not to.
I am wonderful with people, whether they are strangers or close friends. I have an attractive personality which allows me to emotionally connect with others, and has helped me through many experiences. When I am faced with difficult situations, I have the confidence to know that my personality can defuse the situation, and things can be brought back to normal. Don’t ever let anyone intimidate you, or lead you to believe that you’re less of a person than they are. You have proven yourself time and time again, so there is no reason to believe otherwise.
I am a physically attractive person, and I have ample evidence to support this. When I look in the mirror I feel good about myself, and I am pleased with who I am. If I had the opportunity to look like another person, I would definitely turn it down. I want to look like me. My physical attractiveness is one of the qualities that draws people to me, and I’ve had many wonderful people drawn into my life. So if the quality of people in my life is related to my overall attractiveness, then I should never believe that I am unattractive in any capacity. The evidence is there. Believe it.
Wealth should never be a concern of mine. .Just because I don’t have a nice car and a nice house right now, I shouldn’t feel bad about it. Almost all of the people I know don’t have nice cars or nice homes yet, and if they do, then they’re overwhelmed with debt. I should be thankful that I’m smart enough to avoid all of that debt. I’ve made a good decision that will pay off for me in the future. I shouldn’t feel ashamed about being poor. It’s only temporary, and most people I know are poor anyway, so anyone who looks down on me should feel ashamed of themselves.
I should never believe that I am anything less than an amazing person, with many wonderful qualities. I have no reason to ever feel that I am socially inept, unattractive, weak, or deprived in any fashion. Anyone who sees anything less than my true self has their own issues that are creating that perception, and that is their issue, not mine. I have the ability to be a very happy person, and I have no reason to get down on myself. I shouldn’t squander all of the wonderful things I have going for me, so to not take advantage of the wonderful life I have would be a waste.